Author Archives: David Dandaneau

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About David Dandaneau

I am a very strong man who is also a proud parent (my son is my world) something that you do not find too often (sort of like those people lucky enough to earn a Doctoral Degree). I love competitive sports "March Madness," as I believe they help foster competition in the workplace. I am continually looking for new challenges and hold myself accountable for all my actions at home and in the workplace. I love to talk (who in sales doesn't), read & conduct research. Finally, through various work and educational experiences I hope someday to become an established & full-time writer.

Why you Should and Shouldn’t Invest in an Annuity

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Investing in an annuity can be a suitable financial strategy for some individuals, but it’s essential to carefully consider your financial goals, risk tolerance, and personal circumstances before making such an investment decision. I recently purchased an annuity and gave some thought to why I should and why I shouldn’t have? If you’re considered investing in an annuity here are some reasons why you still might:

  1. Guaranteed Income: Annuities can provide a steady stream of income, which can be particularly valuable in retirement. Fixed annuities offer guaranteed payments for a specified period or for life, providing financial security.
  2. Tax-Deferred Growth: Many annuities offer tax-deferred growth, meaning you don’t pay taxes on your earnings until you withdraw them. This can be advantageous for individuals in higher tax brackets, as it allows your money to grow more quickly.
  3. Diversification: Annuities can be part of a diversified investment portfolio. They can provide a stable, low-risk component alongside riskier assets like stocks or real estate.
  4. Lifetime Income: If you choose a life annuity, you’ll receive payments for as long as you live, which can help protect against the risk of outliving your savings.
  5. Principal Protection: Some annuities, like fixed or indexed annuities, provide a degree of principal protection, ensuring that your initial investment is safe from market fluctuations.
  6. Legacy Planning: Annuities can also include options to leave a legacy for your heirs. While the primary purpose is income, you can set up certain annuities to provide a death benefit or pass on the remaining balance to beneficiaries.
  7. Predictable Returns: Fixed annuities offer predictable, guaranteed returns, which can be appealing if you’re risk-averse and prefer steady, known income.

However, it’s also crucial to consider the potential drawbacks and risks associated with annuities as well. Here are a few reasons you may not want to invest in an annuity:

  1. Lack of Liquidity: Many annuities have limited or no liquidity, meaning you may not access your money without penalties or surrender charges for a specified period.
  2. Fees and Expenses: Annuities often come with fees, including sales commissions and management fees, which can eat into your returns.
  3. Complexity: Some annuities, particularly variable and indexed annuities, can be complex and challenging to understand fully.
  4. Inflation Risk: Fixed annuities may not keep up with inflation, potentially eroding your purchasing power over time.
  5. Loss of Control: When you invest in an annuity, you’re relinquishing control over a portion of your assets, which may not be suitable for individuals who want flexibility and access to their money.
  6. Insurance Company Solvency Risk: Annuity payments are backed by the financial strength of the insurance company. While many are highly rated and stable, there is still a degree of risk associated with the insurance company’s financial health.

Before investing in an annuity, it’s essential to thoroughly research and understand the specific type of annuity you’re considering, the terms and conditions, fees, and the impact on your overall financial plan. Additionally, it’s wise to consult with a financial advisor who can provide personalized guidance based on your individual financial goals and circumstances. As with any of my posts, I would love to hear if you have invested in an annuity, how it’s going, or why you have decided not to invest in an annuity? Drop me a line or give me a call and until next time keep smiling cause it really does look good on you.

Things to Consider About Retirement Planning

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It’s hard to believe that when I started this blog, I was a single dad not thinking much about my future or potential retirement. Granted I am still a ways off from retirement but as my kid enters his senior year the thought continues to cross my mind especially, as I start a new position within this same industry. Do find yourself asking if you are ready for retirement? Do you have the right plan in place? Will you be able to continue to live the lifestyle that your currently living? Have you done enough to get across the finish line? If you are like me the answer maybe somewhere in the middle between yes and no.

Just like everything in life these days retirement planning is a crucial aspect of ensuring financial security and a comfortable lifestyle during your retirement years. Here are some important things I’ve considered when it comes to my retirement planning and perhaps you should also give them some thought:

  1. Start Early: The earlier you start saving and investing for retirement, the better. Compound interest works in your favor, allowing your investments to grow over time. Starting late might require larger contributions to catch up.
  2. Set Clear Goals: Define your retirement goals and lifestyle expectations. Consider factors like where you want to live, travel plans, healthcare needs, and any hobbies or activities you want to pursue. Having a clear vision will help you determine how much money you’ll need.
  3. Calculate Retirement Income Needs: Estimate how much income you’ll need in retirement. Factor in living expenses, healthcare costs, inflation, and potential unexpected expenses. A common rule of thumb is aiming to replace 70-85% of your pre-retirement income.
  4. Consider Retirement Accounts: Take advantage of tax-advantaged retirement accounts, such as 401(k)s, IRAs, and Roth IRAs. These accounts offer tax benefits and can help your money grow more efficiently over time.
  5. Diversify Investments: Spread your investments across different asset classes (stocks, bonds, real estate, etc.) to reduce risk. Diversification can help protect your portfolio from market fluctuations.
  6. Regularly Review and Adjust: Your financial situation and goals may change over time. Regularly review your retirement plan to ensure it aligns with your evolving circumstances. Adjust your contributions and investment strategy as needed.
  7. Manage Debt: Aim to enter retirement with minimal debt, especially high-interest debt. Paying off debts before retirement can significantly reduce your financial burden during this phase.
  8. Plan for Healthcare Costs: Healthcare expenses tend to rise as you age. Consider purchasing long-term care insurance or factoring in potential medical costs when planning your retirement savings.
  9. Social Security Strategy: Understand how Social Security works and determine the optimal time to start receiving benefits. Delaying benefits can result in larger monthly payments, but you might need to weigh this against your overall financial situation.
  10. Prepare for Inflation: Inflation erodes purchasing power over time. Ensure your retirement plan accounts for inflation to maintain your desired lifestyle.
  11. Create an Estate Plan: Develop an estate plan that includes a will, healthcare directives, and power of attorney. This ensures that your assets are distributed according to your wishes and that you have someone to make decisions if you’re unable to.
  12. Seek Professional Advice: Consulting a financial advisor can provide personalized guidance based on your specific circumstances and goals. They can help you create a retirement plan tailored to your needs.
  13. Stay Informed: Keep yourself updated about changes in tax laws, retirement regulations, and investment trends. Staying informed allows you to make educated decisions that align with your retirement objectives.

Remember that retirement planning is a dynamic process. It’s essential to regularly reassess your plan and make adjustments as needed to ensure you’re on track to achieve your retirement goals. The most important thing is that you start. Like I mentioned, I’ve started a new position helping others plan and reconsider what they are doing for retirement, hence why this subject came to be. I hope you also take the time to evaluate what you are doing to prepare for the future and if not maybe you should start. If I can be of any help or if you have any additional advice, please feel free to reach out or share, as we all continue to help one another. Until next time and as usual keep smiling cause it really does look good on you.

My Son is Turning 18? Now What?

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Boy how time flies when your having fun. I started blogging about family values quite some time ago, as my son and I embarked on a journey together. From single dad, to married dad, to a happy dad it has certainly been a ride. As I sit here and wonder what lies ahead for my son, I can’t help but think about all the responsibilities that he has ahead. Without question, here are a few things I’ve thought about and if you have a child the following could also be key pieces of advice you could share with them as he/she turns 18 and enters adulthood:

  1. Take Responsibility: Encourage him/her to take responsibility for their actions and decisions. Adulthood comes with accountability, so they should own up to his mistakes and learn from them.
  2. Set Goals: Help your child set both short-term and long-term goals. Having clear objectives will give them direction and motivation to work towards their aspirations.
  3. Financial Literacy: Teach them about budgeting, saving, and managing finances. Understanding the basics of money management will serve them well throughout their life.
  4. Continue Learning: Emphasize the importance of continuous learning. Whether it’s through formal education, self-study, or practical experiences, growth comes from a willingness to learn.
  5. Health and Well-being: Encourage a healthy lifestyle (my son actually passed this on to me). Things like regular exercise, a balanced diet, sufficient sleep, and attending to mental health through relaxation and stress management techniques.
  6. Build a Support Network: Help them understand the value of building strong relationships with friends, family, and mentors. A support network is crucial for emotional well-being and personal development.
  7. Independence: Foster a sense of independence. Encourage them to learn practical life skills such as cooking, laundry, basic home repairs, and managing personal documents.
  8. Communication Skills: Teach effective communication skills. Being able to express thoughts, ideas, and concerns clearly and respectfully is essential in both personal and professional settings.
  9. Time Management: Share strategies for time management. Balancing commitments, work, and personal time requires effective organization and prioritization.
  10. Ethical Values: Reinforce the importance of integrity, honesty, and treating others with respect. These values will guide them in making ethical decisions throughout their life.
  11. Explore Interests: Encourage them to explore their interests and passions. This is the time to discover hobbies, talents, and potential career paths.
  12. Resilience: Life will present challenges. Teach them to be resilient in the face of adversity, to bounce back from setbacks, and to view challenges as opportunities for growth.
  13. Decision-Making: Discuss the process of making informed decisions. Weighing pros and cons, considering consequences, and seeking advice when needed are important skills.
  14. Networking: Introduce the concept of networking. Building professional connections can open doors to opportunities in various fields.
  15. Giving Back: Instill the value of giving back to the community or volunteering. Contributing to society can be incredibly rewarding and provide a sense of purpose.
  16. Travel and Exploration: If possible, encourage them to travel and explore new places and cultures. Experiencing the world firsthand can broaden his horizons and perspective.
  17. Adaptability: The world is ever-changing. Teach them to adapt to new situations, technologies, and environments.
  18. Enjoy the Journey: Remind them that life is a journey. Encourage them to embrace the present moment, savor experiences, and find joy in the process of becoming the person they aspire to be.

Remember that your guidance and support will be invaluable as your child navigates this exciting new phase of life. Of course this isn’t a complete list and surely if you have other items to add I would love to hear them? I introduced my kid to this blog several weeks ago and I hope he takes the time to read what I have written; otherwise, and as usual keep smiling cause it really does look good on you >:-)

Snapped During Senior Photo Shoot

Emerging Trends and Innovations in Healthcare: A Glimpse into the Future

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Like many industries, the field of healthcare is ever-evolving, with advancements in medical technology, research breakthroughs, and innovative approaches to patient care that are helping shape its landscape. As we navigate the complexities of the modern world, healthcare continues to adapt and transform to meet the challenges and demands of today’s society. In this post I thought I would review some of the latest news and trends in healthcare that are shaping the industry and promising a brighter future for patient care and well-being.

1. Telehealth Revolutionizing Patient-Doctor Interaction?

Telehealth, the delivery of healthcare services through digital communication channels, has witnessed a significant surge in adoption over the past few years. This trend was accelerated by the COVID-19 pandemic, which highlighted the importance of remote healthcare delivery. As virtual consultations become more commonplace, patients have gained easier access to medical expertise, regardless of geographical barriers. With the integration of artificial intelligence (#AI) for diagnostics and remote monitoring, telehealth is poised to become an essential component of modern healthcare.

2. Genomic Medicine and Personalized Treatments

The rapid advancement of genomic research has opened up new avenues for personalized medicine. Genetic profiling allows healthcare providers to tailor treatment plans based on an individual’s genetic makeup, leading to more effective and targeted therapies. This approach is particularly promising in the fields of oncology and rare diseases, where individual variations play a crucial role in treatment outcomes. As costs associated with genomic sequencing decrease, the integration of genomics into routine healthcare is becoming more feasible.

3. AI and Machine Learning in Healthcare

Artificial intelligence and machine learning are revolutionizing various aspects of healthcare, from diagnosis to drug discovery. Machine learning algorithms can analyze large datasets to identify patterns that may not be apparent to human researchers. This has led to the development of AI-powered diagnostic tools that can detect diseases like cancer from medical images with high accuracy. Moreover, AI is being employed in drug discovery to identify potential drug candidates and predict their interactions with biological systems, significantly expediting the drug development process.

4. Virtual Reality (VR) for Pain Management and Rehabilitation

Virtual reality is finding its place in healthcare as a tool for pain management and physical rehabilitation. By immersing patients in virtual environments, healthcare providers can distract them from pain during medical procedures or aid in their recovery by engaging them in therapeutic activities. VR has shown promising results in reducing pain perception and improving patient outcomes in various scenarios, including burn wound care and physical therapy for stroke survivors.

5. Blockchain for Enhanced Data Security and Interoperability

Blockchain technology is making inroads into healthcare by addressing the challenges of data security and interoperability. With its decentralized and tamper-proof nature, blockchain ensures that patient data remains secure and private while allowing authorized parties to access relevant information seamlessly. Additionally, it enables efficient data sharing among healthcare providers, leading to improved care coordination and patient outcomes.

6. Mental Health and Digital Therapeutics

The recognition of mental health as a critical component of overall well-being has spurred the development of digital therapeutics. These smartphone apps and online platforms offer evidence-based interventions for conditions such as anxiety, depression, and insomnia. Digital therapeutics often incorporate cognitive-behavioral techniques and mindfulness practices to provide accessible and scalable mental health support to a broader population.

In the end…

The healthcare industry is undergoing a profound transformation driven by technological advancements, research breakthroughs, and shifting patient needs. From telehealth revolutionizing remote patient care to AI-driven diagnostics and personalized medicine, these trends are collectively reshaping how healthcare is delivered and experienced. As these innovations continue to evolve, they hold the potential to improve patient outcomes, enhance the quality of care, and ultimately create a healthier and more resilient global population. Of course, and with any of my posts these are my opinions but I would love to hear what you think is helping shape the future of the healthcare industry or any other industries that you are part of. Drop me a line, let’s connect and share in the continued revolution of online communications. Until next time, keep smiling cause it really does look good on you!

About the Author:

David Dandaneau is a insurance agent that covers the insurance and financial services industry. He is known for his insightful analysis and comprehensive coverage of market trends and regulatory developments.

Remembering a Great Man- Our Uncle

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As many of you already know, last week on April 16, 2019 in Arizona our dearest Uncle Bill passed in his sleep. During his short time there, he was in the care of some wonderful family members talking about all the good times spent with each other throughout his and their lives.

memories

As one of Uncle Bill’s God Children, I never knew a time where he wasn’t part of my life. He did the best he could throughout this time and my life to call on birthdays, holidays, and other special events. He was there sharing in these good times and even in the bad times including the final days of my own dads life.

In fact, I think I was about 10 when I realized that Uncle Bill was more than my God Father. That weekend that I spent with him changing the landscape of his yard was the first time, I realized if there was something you could be proud at a young age was hard work pays off in the end with a finished product. From that weekend on, we continued to share memories and stories. Memories of family vacations, reunions, dinners, and other events of enjoying each other’s company. These events combined with others would also continue to define who I would become as a person when he and my Aunt Kay moved to Florida to enjoy their retirement, as I attended school at the University of South Florida. These memories were not a coincidence and it’s not just me being selective in remembering, it’s because Uncle Bill was a good man and a man that AGAIN helped shape me into who I am today!

Even in his final years, months, and days Uncle Bill made every attempt to do right by his family and friends. Sometimes that meant he would call, visit, or help in any way he could with advice, new perspectives, or financially. He was an inspiration to many with his contagious smile and enthusiasm for life. He made differences in the lives of almost everyone he came into contact with. He was an example of what a true man can be, what a family member can be, or what a friend can be. Now that he is gone we must all learn to grieve for a man that gave everything to all those who knew him. Grieve that he is now reunited with his mom, dad, wife, brothers, sisters, and friends that have went before him.

memory

Although there may be a hole left behind by Uncle Bill’s passing, he will never be forgotten because he filled mine and other lives with memories of happiness and joy. Grieving must remind us of how memories of how hard work pays off. Memories of how time never stands still. Memories of personal triumphs and struggles. Memories of how Uncle Bill touched each one of us and how he helped shape our lives in the past and in the future.

I ask for all of those who knew Uncle Bill and even those who did not that you remember him in your prayers. Let heaven accept this great man and reunite him with others who went before him. My heart is broken but on this Easter Sunday, I pray for Uncle Bill and all those others that I am lucky enough to have or had him as a friend or family member. Please tell those you love how much you love them because we never know when the last time will be that we have to say it. Continue to be strong and enjoy your time spent with each other, so when it is our time to go we know we have not left any stone unturned in our own voyage to the heavens. Give thanks for memories of your past and continue to make memories for the future. It is all these memories (good/bad) others will remember in the end when you are gone. Memories my friends and family are what we have to give, so never stop giving, never stop creating, and never stop telling others how much they mean to you. God bless all and RIP our dearest Uncle Bill!

From left to right “Uncle” William Albert Dandaneau, “Dad, Grandpa, Uncle” David Alexander Dandaneau & “Son, Nephew, Uncle” David William Dandaneau

Happier: Is there Happiness as a Care-Giver?

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Is anyone really happy? What is happiness anyway? I’ve touched on this before in previous posts but let’s dive deeper into this thing they call happiness but from a care givers point of view! So many of us wonder through life looking for some reason to be happy but is happiness really just waking up and being happy, being thankful for those we have in life, that first cup of coffee, piece of toast, or that fruit?

keepcalmhappy

Let me be the first to tell you that true happiness is those things and so much more. Happiness is something that we have control over. Happiness is in fact, what we decide to be happy over. Recently, I became a care-giver of my father in his final weeks fighting stage 4 lung cancer. This made me very happy, as it was rewarding to be with dad during these troubling times, yet it was also very stressful seeing the decline in such a good man making me unhappy.

Care-giving while remaining optimistic and happy was a new concept to us in our newly formed family life but is something millions of people around the world do everyday and very challenging to say the least. Being cared for or cared by is a team effort no matter what side of the fence you are on and if everyone can remain happy during these times the easier it can be. However, how can anyone remain happy having to manage doctor visits, medications, hospice personal, and the mental/physical health of a loved one? On the flip side and as I have yet to find out… what toll did all this short-term happiness that I had during this time will/is playing on my overall real state of happiness both mentally and physically. I guess only time will tell huh?

Going at anything in life alone can be very challenging, scary, and filled with unknowns but trying to remain happy during these times is very important. Here are some things I found helped and are helping right up to this post.

Rule #1

Don’t do it alone. One thing I noticed over the last few years in fighting this cancer is that there is a lot of help out there for you whether it comes from the doctors, hospice crew, co-workers, or other family and friends. If you don’t ask or take any help think about how this will affect your overall happiness. Also think about how this will affect your health, finances, and spirit? Chances are you will see them all decline eventually and you will end up broke, depressed, and unhappy that you didn’t do enough. Yes? No?

Rule #2

Make it worth every minute. in my dads final weeks/month we were very blessed to have worked with amazing doctors (although dad was convinced they were only after his money), family, and an amazing hospice staff throughout the greater Tampa area. Over this time, I felt a great sense of happiness and continually told myself (even if I was NOT getting paid) that this time spent with him was worth every minute and every dollar of energy we all put into his full-time care. Even though my health and finances continued to decline throughout this time, I tried my best to remain happy and make every minute count. I think dad appreciated it although I still think sometimes he could see the stress mounting.

Rule #3

Tell those your with how much you love them. All to often in life, I think a lot of us get caught up in the moment regardless of what it is. Care-giving is no different. Care-giving requires all your time, energy, and effort, so how can you remain happy and tell all those others in your life that you love them? I by no means have excelled or am excelling in this category but did/do my best each day to tell others how much I love/loved them. Heck, I was even telling the hospice crew I loved them at the end. Now that both my parents have passed I will continue to work on this and hopefully when it’s my time those I touched throughout my life will tell me those exact words… I love you in the end!

 

decidehappy

I know that I could create an endless list of how to remain happy as a care-giver but I’ll save those for another day. The fact(s) is that most of us choose to be unhappy and more people should choose to be happy, especially if you are or will become a care-giver. Life as a care-giver can be filled with spreadsheets, charts, sleepless nights, etc. but if you somehow can remain happy, I think that is what will carry you to a long end life, while not pissing off all those that you are so close to. And as Mother Teresa said “spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come without leaving happier.” Thoughts?

In memory of my AWESOME LOVING DAD!!!

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Principles to Live By? Oh, Really? What Little Wonders?

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truthholdingDo you ever wake up in the morning and ask yourself what events have or will have the most impact on your life whether today or in the future? Do you agree that some stories in our lives are like tiny ripples that do not carry much weight, while others are like large waves that hit harder, deeper, and with more impact? My story like your story is no different from a million others out there and it is no sadder, brighter, or glorious than that of someone else’s. Therefore, we all need to wake up and remind ourselves that it is just life and no matter what it (life) throws at you (us), it’s you… that ultimately sets the course of future events. Haha so what is the point? What am I trying to say here?

What is the story?

If you have been a reader of mine for any time, you know that my story is that much like a bag of mixed marbles. The more strange things that could happen will happen or the more marbles played the more different the results. Who said that anyway? Is that like Murphys Law? What may go wrong, will go wrong? After many difficult relationships (mostly cause of me) I spent many years as a single dad trying to figure out the who, what, when, and where of this single dad thing and trying to make my kids life as memorable as possible. WOW, that sucked! Actually, and while it may have sucked, I have had the opportunity to experience life as what life truly should be…fun, full of enrichment, love, and meaning.

Single Dad to Engaged Dad

Yes, and that’s right I have decided to take the next step in my life and marry the greatest woman that I have ever met. Not to mention that my kid is just one year ahead of her kid and they are like best friends. And, Yes… this is the woman of my dreams.  Needless to say and whether you’re in a relationship or going it alone you can benefit from what I have learned and the following the steps below in order to create your own healthy relationship(s).

betruthful

1) Be courageous…

…about realizing who you are. Many of us at some point decided that we would map out our lives—this could be as simple as where you’re going to live, how many children you will have, or what career you want now or in the future. This could also be encouraging or devastating to the point where you may not question whether it’s what you truly want or what life truly wanted for you. Therefore, when something unexpected happens that changes your life plans, shake it off, become vulnerable and encourage yourself to do more and then you can feel very more comfortable, brave, and ride those feelings (waves)because you may have just discovered what it is that you are truly in search of?

2) Be truthful…

…with yourself and others that you have contact with. Even though life hasn’t turned out the way you had planned or maybe it has, it does not mean that you have failed. There is no need to make excuses, judge yourself (others), or shy away from this truth. And YES… it’s okay to feel and hurt, as these are natural feelings and are a part of being honest with yourself. Accept what is and learn… it is what it is. The sooner you realize this the sooner you will be able to think clearly and take the next steps in the right direction with a positive mindset whether in a relationship or going it alone.

3) Be open…

…to an unusual life and to new understandings. There’s no point hanging on to what could’ve, should’ve, or would’ve been, because it will only make you (us) feel bitter and offended. With an open mind you can truly let new experiences into your life. You never know what exciting events may come your way, but that’s the beauty of it (watching waves whether peaceful or dangerous).

4) Be calm and kind…

…with yourself. Much like #2 and whether you believe what’s happened in your life is your fault or not, you must be gentle with and forgive yourself along with others.  It serves no one, especially not you, if you don’t “talk” to yourself or others encouragingly or lovingly. To create a life of purpose, we must first love ourselves then others, because only then can our actions come from the heart. And when your actions come from the heart, you will be able to see clearly, feel strong, and are sure of your choices.

5) Be trusting…

…of yourself and all others in the universe. All you can do is your best and go with the flow—and trust that your life is turning out as it should be. Going with the flow can be challenging, especially if you’re someone like me who likes to be in control (damn Leo’s). So remind yourself constantly that even when you try so hard to create a life that you want, the laws of nature may decide otherwise. And how you choose to respond to it is what matters most—that’s really what life’s all about anyway isn’t it?

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If you flow with the nature of life (waves), you will have the strength to handle everything that comes your way. I always wish that… I would have never heard of the saying, had I had known then what I know now… Why, well because if I hadn’t done what I did and met those people who I did, I wouldn’t be where I am today! Happy, satisfied and for once looking forward to more of what life has to throw my way only this time, as a family not as a single parent. How much more truth can that provide? Embracing a new relationship or riding/watching a new wave roll in can be downright scary but being courageous, truthful, open, calm, and trusting can help you roll in not crash into the beach. Now that summer has arrived get out there and catch a few new waves yourself and enjoy those memorable sunsets.

With Every Ending there is a NEW Beginning?

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What is it they say? “With every beginning, there comes an end” or “with every ending new-beginningcomes a new beginning.” Just like I mentioned in a previous post “everything happens for a reason” or “it is what it is” I have to say that this so called all good things must come to an end also has to be true? Or is it? How do we know when things are coming to end then? What are the signs? Does this also apply to our relationships, education, career, etc.? Or is this saying just the cycle of life and products? Over the last week and if not the entire year, I have been asking myself this and many similar questions. Why? Well over the last year, I have started to pay greater attention to detail and the shelf life of many things including that of my relationships, career objectives, milk, groceries, vehicle, etc. Why if this saying isn’t true, do most things we purchase and consume have an expiatory date? It seems that YES, most things (if not all) have a beginning and an end? Or all good things must come to an end?

So how do we determine what exactly the beginning and/or end is? The obvious is we are born and then we die… YES? How about relationships or your career? If you are young or old you have probably noticed that, most relationships and your job, regardless of how you meet or the job you’re in all have trends. These trends usually go something like this… awesome beginning (honeymoon), an okay middle (comfort zone), and really bad endings (the dreaded unknown). In my life and regardless of whether in a relationship or career these trends seem to always go the same way but unlike the cycle of life (ending in death), I am still alive, kicking, and in the end have come out the other side as better person. I am a better father, a better man with the woman I love, and I am a better man in the job I am in. Does this then mean that we all should embrace change, new beginnings, and endings to things? Or is it just me? Do we need to give more chances to others, our partners, and career paths fostering and/or focusing more on the middle stage(s)?

uptown-girls

Let’s face it, the beginning of anything is downright scary just like my kid changing schools this year. On the flipside, the end is just as scary if not more! Starting something new or letting go of something you care about is extremely hard whether it is a relationship or your career. However, what I have learned over the years (especially raising my son, in relationships, and jobs) is that both beginnings and endings are a necessity of life, just as we are born and we die. In order for us to remain active, happy, and healthy, we must allow ourselves the opportunity for new beginnings in our relationships and jobs, just like we must allow ourselves the opportunity for endings, so we can create more beginnings. This my friends is what we must do because if nothing ever came to an end, nothing could ever begin. Without scary endings and new beginnings, I wouldn’t be the same person I am now just like I know you are. In fact, I couldn’t be happier at how things have turned out in my life with my son, my relationship, and career. Although I can’t say for sure how long I will be in this NEW middle part of my life (hopefully until I die), I can honestly say… For every ending, there is an even greater beginning. Don’t be afraid of endings and surely don’t let yourself be afraid of new beginnings.

Thoughts? If you have any, please feel free to leave your comments here, reach out to me online or in person, and/or through any of my other online mediums. Until next time my friends keep smiling, embrace those you’re with, do away with things stressing you out, and for heaven’s sake create some new beginnings already.

New Dating Relationships with Kids

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Sexy-metetingIt has been awhile since I have written anything online and that is because like many of you, things have been moving along very rapidly in my life. As a single parent (all of you know this), I believe if someone offered to give me a few of their minutes or hours, I would be indebted to them for years to come which would hopefully slow things down or just give me a little extra time. However, I am sure at this point in my life things are not going to slow down anytime soon. Why? That is because I haven’t figured out a way to slow things down and/or no one is willing to give me any extra time. Oh ya, and after many years of being single I have finally found a woman that I am proud to call my girlfriend, which I spend a lot of my time with now. So what does that have to do with anything you ask? Well a ton! Now instead of working solely on raising my kid by myself, I am now working on raising my kid alongside that of another single parent. With that said, when you find someone you care about who seems to have some future potential for you, you are going to want to bring your children into the picture (this is where we recently were and where we are continuing to build our relationship around). Of course, you want your significant other to already know that you have children, which is why this was one of the first things we discussed on our first date. Otherwise, you may find a situation on your hands that cannot or will not add any value to a newly formed relationship. Not every man/woman is capable of accepting children that he or she perceives as belonging to another. Moreover, some men/women may be frightened of the responsibilities children represent. That is exactly why I waited on dating or getting involved because any negative feelings about children has/had to be high on the priority list. All people will have some reaction that may seem a bit odd, but that is not the same as having them say they hate kids and would never have them in their home.

The Importance of the Initial Meeting

 As I have learned over the last six months, kids are very smart regardless of their age. In fact, both of our kids figured out early on that we both had something going on long before we actually introduced them formally. Well, OK, maybe not initially, because we actually did a fantastic job at covering it up even the first time we meet. Do you ever run into random people while you are out in the community? That is exactly what my woman and I did in order to introduce the two kids, randomly ran into each other at a local mall for an afternoon lunch (hehe). The initial resistance was not there nor did we have to explain ourselves at that time. However, over our next few visits the kids started figuring things out by themselves. Therefore, I wanted to give everyone reading this a couple of suggestions (do not’s) for bringing two families together because eventually when your children find out they will surely know that your previous relationship is over and may find it difficult to visualize you with another man/woman.

  • Take a relationship slowly because you lower the risk of emotional backlash from your children as they adjust to your new life.
  • Do not include a new partner in too many of your family days at first. Make time for you and the kids even after you are officially together.
  • Do not spend your time focusing on becoming a family unit because you may  not be able to keep things in balance. You may be forced to skip some important stages of your relationship on the course toward greater involvement and commitment.
  • Do not have overnight visits until the children become comfortable with the viewpoint that your girlfriend/boyfriend is someone who may be here to stay.
  • Do not allow your children to feel threatened or fearful that they could lose you to this new suitor or that the new man/woman will change the rules of the family.

Don’t Rush In

What is it that they say? Fools don’t rush in or never get in a hurry to make another first-datemistake. At the same time, don’t let new opportunities pass you by or believe everything other people have to say. More times than not, you have gotten to this point of your life by making your own decisions whether they are/were good or bad. So, remember that you are on your way to building a completely new family configuration as a single parent with your kids and they, too, deserve your attention and your time while everyone works through the changes in their lives that a separation or divorce has brought. Also, remember that you don’t need to rush into anything… ever! You can take your time to allow everyone to get used to each other and for you to decide whether you really want to create a new family. If you have any doubts, there is nothing wrong with listening to your intuition and wait until either your feelings are resolved or you understand clearly that the relationship is not right for you. This maybe your last chance at a new and happy life much like it is mine. If important aspects are missing, wait for another situation to come along. Do not settle because you are lonely or think you will never have the right opportunity cause this could never be further from the truth. Pay attention to your children’s reactions to your new love, as they are a good indication of how things are really going. They often have their own way of sizing up a relationship, and may see something you do not. Keep in mind that you must constantly tell your children that you still love them and that no new relationship will change that, as my girlfriend is an expert in this category. Finally, tell them that you are all going to form a family and ask for their input if this is your ultimate desire, as it is mine. The more they feel a part of things the less frightened they will feel. You may be surprised because at this early stage of our relationship we surely are. If this is the right man/woman for you, your children may be as happy about things as you are… and won’t that make all the difference? As usual, I am glad you stopped by today and welcome all comments via any of my social networks. Until next time, remember to keep smiling and love the ones you’re with.

Do Simple “Experiences” Create the Most Long-Term “Memories”

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memoryIs wondering why it is that most things we do personally or with our children have to be planned out? Do you ever find or catch yourself creating way to many lists for future endeavors, work, events, shopping, meals, tasks, etc., or better yet do you ever find yourself creating these same lists for your child(ren) future life? Why is it that we all have to plan so much? Is it me or were some of your earliest memories in life or as a child, experiences of things that were left unplanned? Or did you have to go to some fancy place or do something extraordinary in order to have a clear memory ingrained in your life long DNA?

As I continue to grow older and especially now as a parent (single parent), I am continually, asking myself questions such as these, as I continue to provide advice and guidance to my little one. In fact, me and my little guy get out and do a lot of things (experiences) that I truly believe help create (memories) that will last a life time. However and as I have said in previous posts, I believe that some of my own and my son’s best memories are those experiences that are as simple as throwing a ball, doing household chores, or reading together. As parents, I believe that we all have the ability to create positive and happy present day experiences in life that will turn into some of the most impressionable and future memories for our young ones all without having to be rich or attend events that we think are leaving long term memories entrenched into our little ones memory bank. Yes?

The fact is almost all the “experiences” that our children encounter daily, weekly, or monthly are helping our children create “memories” that will help them later in life as an adult. All too often, I see others preparing themselves and their little ones for what others want them to be, not what they want to be. We as individuals and parents have great control over our lives “yes” but at least let us use that power appropriately and not use it to create present undue stress or control over our children’s lives. Life is already difficult enough without the added pressure that we place on ourselves at home, work, or at school. Maybe and just maybe if we dumb things down a bit and enjoy more of the simple everyday “experiences,” we would remember many more past experiences that helped up produce some of our best “memories.”

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I know that there are a million and one ways we can all dumb things down but here are three things we can all do today that aren’t subject to unseen future events.

1) Money, trips, and expensive events are not the only things that we should need to do in order to have experience that turn into a long-term memory. Being extravagant is such a big misconception and perhaps one of the most common things I see daily. So, we all need to do a better job at enjoying present day experiences, as we don’t need to spend so much time and money dazzling ourselves and little ones. Instead, we all need to appreciate more the small windows of time we are given with each other and just simply enjoy ourselves and children unconditionally.

2) Rituals are perfect for creating experiences that turn into long-term memories. There are probably endless “experiences” you and/or your family does weekly, monthly, or yearly (i.e. holidays, birthdays, festivals, etc) that help you create lasting “memories.” Instead of waiting for these big events, how about creating new rituals “experiences” such as Friday night pizza, Saturday morning breakfast, or Sunday night wrap of the week to create more long-term “memories?”

3) Finally yet importantly, we all need to do a better job at reinforcing all the positive experiences in our everyday lives. My son and I do this almost every day. Instead of discussing with others the negative things that happened today, why don’t you remember the positive things more by simply discussing the positive “experiences” you had that will ultimately become lasting “memories, not the negative ones. This can be as simple as creating a scrapbook, using social media, or simply writing more positive “experiences” down, so you can train yourself, brain, and little ones to notice these positive experiences, so you can have more positive long-term “memories.”

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Creating everyday “experiences” that turn into long-term “memories” are simple and super important in our lives, as well as our children and others we touch. By using positive reinforcements in your daily life, you will find that you are laying down tile that will last a lifetime, not just carpet that will eventually be destroyed. We all owe it to ourselves and little ones to lead with the good not follow with the bad. I can’t remember all those expensive or fancy things I did as a child but I do have a vivid memory of all those experiences as simple as building a camp, riding my bike, or just simply spending time with my parents, what says you? What experiences in the past do you remember most that you have preserved in your long-term memory bank? Feel free to reach out here, personally, or any of my other social sites with your feedback, as I have said before… it takes an army, not just a team to accomplish more. Otherwise, thanks for stopping by and until next time… KEEP SMILING